With just 17 days left of my entire college career, my body decided to collapse on me. 

I don’t get sick easily, and I don’t get sick often. But when I do succumb to the inevitable deterioration of my immune system, I fall hard. I forget what its like to feel normal, to want to do things other than lie in bed all day, or to be even slightly comfortable for that matter. My throat swells and I realize how often and how necessary swallowing is on a daily basis, but I would rather just die, I think, than to have to clear the saliva past bacteria-infected tonsils just one more time… This is not how I want to be spending the last two weeks of Senior year. 

As much as I want to be hanging out with my friends who are giggling and creating last minute inside jokes in the other room, I know I cannot. I don’t want to infect them, nor can I even muster strength to stand up to go the bathroom or make myself food, much less join in on their banter in the living room. I don’t want to be trapped in my cough-syrupy warm room, but I know that I must if I want my white blood cells to return to their full functioning order.

This is the kind of day I dread, when I’m weak and achey and so very dependent on the functionality (and willingness) of those around me. But its also a blessing in disguise. Not one of my best friends didn’t do something to drop their own plans and serve me today. I am not the kind of person who likes to be served in this way. I like to do things myself. I’m prideful and stubborn. But sometimes you really need to test that safety net your friends put up around you, because you never know it will really work until you need it. Sometimes its easy to forget that its there. You walk around on this tightrope, trying to keep balanced and refusing to take your eyes of your goals, your dreams, anything that keeps you even remotely on that thin piece of wire, urging you forward. But sometimes you can’t help but fall. Your circumstances overwhelm what used to be the space your arms could reach out for stability. Or maybe you get too inside your head and lose track of what’s true and beautiful in the world. You start to believe the lies someone tells you that you aren’t good enough, you’ll never make it, or it isn’t really worth trying, no one is impressed. Maybe that someone telling you lies is, probably, yourself. I know I am my own toughest critic, and I’m not one to go around boasting about my insecurities, even to my friends. So sometimes, that tightrope has to snap unexpectedly for me to realize that even when I do fall, there is a net not too far from my feet that can’t wait to catch me and bounce me even higher than I could have gone on the unforgiving cord.

God reminds me how utterly blessed I am today, because I have these amazing people in my life willing to love on me and take care of me when I can’t take care of myself. Shoot, they want to take care of me even when I CAN take care of myself, because that is what family does. We don’t hide our insecurities from each other, we don’t hide our flaws. We can’t, even though we want to sometimes. I want to all the time, because I hate feeling weak or inadequate. But that is the beauty of the human relationship. My friends aren’t here to judge me, they are here to listen to my stories, and love me for who I am. There is nothing we want more than to be loved, and only you can put up a wall between yourself and the love your friends want to give you. I may be physically sick now, but thanks to the abundance of God’s grace and patient provisions through the love of my friends, when I am weak, then I am strong. 

Whoever says “love hurts,” is lying.

Lonliness hurts.

Rejection hurts.

Loss hurts.

Envy hurts.

But whatever you do, please don’t confuse these things with love, like we so often do.

Love is the only thing in this fallen world that covers all pain and can make someone feel beautiful again.

Love’s name is Jesus. And he wants to share himself with you so that you may be able to share it with the world and reclaim the reality of what “Love” truly means. So whatever love means to you, I promise it doesn’t hurt. If it hurts, it isn’t love, it needs love.

drinkdeeplytiger asked: Is this Ashley Antunes :)

YEP!

I have this really sweet recycled poster from my home church a friend got for me that I hang in my room. Its huge. Almost as tall as I am. It was for a christmas eve service a couple years back and I loved the design of it so I kept it as not only a reminder (john 8:12) but as fun decoration. 

Today, I moved into my home where I will be spending the next 9 months and for fun, thought i’d try and fit it above the mantle. It would fit after a bit of trimming but I figured it’s maybe a bit too large and bold for me to just take the claim on the largest wall area in our most common room. I said, “I think its probably more my style than anyone else’s.” I realize now I should have been more clear with my choice of wording. 

I was asked if I thought myself to be “more christian” than everyone else. Not my intentions at all, to imply this. But after thinking about it, what does that even mean, really? How could someone be a “more” christian than anyone else. I don’t even like to use that term because it doesn’t quite do justice anymore to what living a life for Jesus really means to me. The classic term, in my opinion, has a bit lost its meaning in today’s modern culture. I love Jesus. With all my heart. I have a relationship with Him that isn’t perfect. I am not perfect. Not even close. No one is. I struggle. I am weak. But it is a constant, day-to-day challenge that I choose to take because to me, a relationship with my creator is so worth the wrestling. Not because I think it makes me better or smarter or more anything than anyone else. I don’t compare my relationship with Jesus to anyone else’s. Because hey, guess what?? He wants a relationship with EVERYONE and He doesn’t have favorites. I was created uniquely, just as the questioner was and each and every other living being that ever was. I’m not trying to prove anything to anyone. Nor can I ever be jealous of anyone else’s relationship with the One whom I also share my life with. Jealousy is just the shadow of greed. God is big enough for us all. He knows what He’s doing. He’s the only one who does. 

I just hope by talking about Jesus and sharing the joy He brings me and the little lessons I learn along the way doesn’t lead anyone to believe I think myself to be wise. Far from it. I am doing my best to learn how to love the right way; Jesus’ way. And if that means putting myself out there to be ridiculed or judged or whatever the consequences for the sake of speaking up for my faith, well, even among brothers and sisters the road isn’t easy.  I can trust that the Lord will guide me, and pray that I can humble myself in order for Him to shine through me rather than getting in the way of His goodness and patience and love, especially in times I find myself struggling to come across so on my own. I don’t grow close to Him for bragging rights among peers. I grow close to Him for His sake only. For His Kingdom’s sake. For His will be done. It’s the only way I know how to love. It’s the only way I know how to survive. 

nonelikejesus:

by Leslie Ludy

Once upon a time, Christian men and women understood what it meant to lay down everything for the sake of Christ – including their desires for marriage and family. Like Abraham surrendering Isaac, they willingly laid their most sacred and priceless blessings upon the altar…

(via nonelikejesus)